Adam Hall

Publisher: Microsoft | Developer: Just Add Monsters | ETA: Out Now | Price: £39.99 Inc VAT.

Being a Ninja must rule. Not only do you get to wear the coolest clothes ever, but also, working in collaboration with the mystifying darkness, you get to kill people with swords leaving no trace but your victim’s body slumping to the floor as fresh blood arches brutally from their wound. Kung Fu Chaos has somewhat encroached on my magical view of these warriors of the night. No longer are Ninjas cool, they’re nothing but worryingly disproportioned weirdoes with eyebrows so vast, Busted are chewing on their manufactured punk-pop hearts as we speak. United with a lack of moves and the subtlety of a floodlight, these guys would have trouble taking on a scarecrow with a flame-thrower!

Based around a film set, Kung Fu Chaos places you as the protagonist of a whole new kung fu action movie directed by the world renowned Shao Ting, who, strangely enough, ends most of his FMV sequences Shao-Ting his head off! (I’m really sorry for that one)!

Gameplay
KFC is a party game for all who can grip the cosmically sized Xbox controller, and although it lacks depth and a real amount of intelligence, it is pretty fun in short bursts. Nevertheless, for us less socially dependant individuals, the game does come packaged with a single player campaign that sees you fighting off hordes of lethal ninjas with fire in their eyes running around lobbing death stars emblazoned with your name until either, the scene ends, or your decrepit hands crumble under the strain of hitting several buttons at one time, something that is oh-so necessary to survive in later parts of the game.
In comparison to the splendid ‘Power Stone’, of Dreamcast fame, KFC is a bit bland. Coupled with only a small amount of interaction with the environment, as opposed to PS’s brutal surrounding domination, KFC is rather lacklustre when it comes to variety of moves. During gameplay I found myself repeating the same move over and over again with surprisingly pleasing results which, by the way, weren’t just a one off thing, if you’re good at button bashing, you could probably complete this game in one burst.
On top of that, the moves that ARE present in KFC just aren’t satisfying; it’s nothing like the stunning fulfilment that DoA, so plentifully, delivered, it’s more like the tantalising splendours of Myst! It’s complete crap, in other words!

Another major flaw that KFC sports is that it’s intrinsically repetitive. You stand on a basic platform fighting off horde after horde of Ninjas until the scene ends and you get your stars (3’s the minimum to pass most levels). Stronger Ninjas with shields come in after a while, but they’re easily disposed of with the, apparently, unblockable throw moves.
Even the sections that are supposed to add diversity to the game do exactly the opposite and instead of maintaining your interest, they defecate on it, tape it to your head and set it alight. Take the “pole jumping” scene, this basically consists of all four characters standing on stumps that stick out of the watery surroundings with the task of either jumping over this long spinney wooden beam, or attacking it so it spins the other way. Not only is this not fun, it’s frustrating to intergalactic levels of insanity! It’s the type of game that’s only good if you’re winning and as a result of this, the entire game lacks depth, it’s nothing more than shallow mini games mixed with a couple of “diversities” that secretly and fundamentally, the same thing! It’s all a façade!

Graphics
As for visuals, KFC reigns supreme. Whilst delivering the obligatory charms of cartoons, KFC still manages to uphold an element of sincerity. Agreed, the characters are disproportioned AND all do have an extremely powerful special-move that involves lots of flashing things and blood whilst the director orgasms at your performance, but nevertheless, the scenes in which you deal out the pain are extensively eye-catching. Sharp, elegant, and with no frame rate loss even through intense battles of strength and wisdom!